brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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