They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
