how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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