Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
