Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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