the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize