I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
They took my balls.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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