finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize