today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
