i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All I want is dick and wine.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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