I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
