every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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