who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
