if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
