2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
