You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
