our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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