i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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