She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
