Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
