The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
