Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
