yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
