I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
