Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We're too hungover to prance.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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