that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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