Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
