My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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