Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
