I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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