You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
