Do vagina's smell?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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