The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
