oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
