Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
