Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Randomize
