Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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