How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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