he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
