I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
