hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
