People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
