i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
