i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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