RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
