i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
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I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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