That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She told me I should be a condom model.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
