I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
