...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
