One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
