I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
