Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize