So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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