i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
