Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
