..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
