I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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