The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
