I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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