Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
