I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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